Running away

Dearest diary,
idk where to start .

k , let's just say .... wht kind of a friend am i ?

okay , here's to SITI AISYAH IDRUS ...

i never thought things will turn out this way . well , maybe u're ryte . im having more & more new friends . bt tht doesn't mean tht i've forgotten about you . or maybe i tend to sometimes . but come on , u have ur set of friends too , don't you ? YOU too forget me when u have NEW friends too , don't you ? and nw wht ? u think i only find u when i need u when im in deep shit ? tht i forgot abt us ? tht i don't appreciate u ? tht i took u as a "spare part" ?

wht were u thinking ?! true enough , u've sacrified ur time to be my listening ear .. u've helped me alot when im in deep shits .. u gave me all kinds of advice to make my life better .. you're always there to go thru thick n thin together .. and i want u to knw tht i DO REALLY APPRECIATE THT A LOT bcos THTS WHT FRIENDS DO ! and im sorry that im not a good friend . then y do u think i'll come running to u when i haf probs ? bcos I TRUST YOU n I LOVE YOU . maybe yes , i didn't spend much time with you . i can't always meet you and hangout with you . well YOU shud knw tht i can't go out tht much . even if i did , i wud lie to my parents and stuffs .. and i dun want to lie anymore .

i knw i ignored u for quite a long time . bt then y didn't u approach me ? if you really think that fucking oblivious to the situation here , then y did i ever bother to find out whts wrong from u ? y didn't u tell me when i asked u ? things wud've been so much better if u were to tell me the truth and whts wrong . y didn't you ? u knw tht i felt something was wrong . so am i still being OBLIVIOUS ? n u think i wasn't worried when u did tht ?! u think u're the only one HURT ?! I AM HURT TOO knwing tht my gdfriend wants me PRETEND that she nvr existed in my LIFE . wht do u take me for ? i think it's tht easy to forget abt u when we haf been goodfriends for a looong time , knwing each other so well , been thru everything together .. u think it's easy ? if it is , y dun u do it first ?! let's see hw u can go on w/o me ! ohh wht am i thinking ?! OF COS U CAN ! u haf many friends , and so letting go of one doesn't hurt much ryte ...?

bt i want u to knw tht i still do LOVE YOU & TREASURE U AS MY BESTFRIEND. up to you to decide . i knw im in the wrong , and im sorry . bt i dun wanna lose u , bestfriend . really .

FYI: YOU are my bestest friend . none of my other friends is better than you . nt trying to soothe ur hert bt it's fact . & who says u're nt good enuf ? u're too good to even be my friend .

then maybe u're ryte , i dun deserve a friend like you .

Dearest diary,
boyfriend is back ald ! bt im soooo angry with him lah okay ! cos he didn't tell his mom tht he actually came bck today cos at nyte he wanna go "TON" . haiz .. he called me just nw while i was sleeping . i was so happy thinking tht maybe i cud talk to him tonyte or something . i slept thinking that when i woke up , he's ald there beside me . bt then he said he going for this stupid shit . like WTF larh okay ! bt i just kept quiet . if i were to let him go , i knw he wud do all kind of shits like drinking and stufs .. if i were to not let him go , later he say im controlling him lah .. nvr him hym time with his friends lah .. wth lah ! ahh wth . im nt gg to bother !

i better go to bed now before i think even further abt my anger . urgh !
bye and goodnyte .

to boyfriend : thnks for making me wait eyh ! i suke per ! *rolls eyes*

Dearest diary,
yeah i knw it's been so long since i updated . blogger SUX laa kan ! haix .. there's sooooooooooooo many things i wanna share . so beware .. SUPERRR LOOOOOONGG POST AHEAD !!!

thursday, i went to orchard with Abidaaaah . went to ION at orchard . windowshopped . so the "SAKET HATI" cos i wasn't having any cash with me at tht moment . i want this , and tht , everything seems so "touchless" . haix .. nvm .. few more months then work ald ryte ? then can buy many !! hahaha !

friday , it was racial harmony day . wore a cheongsam to sch . PINK lahh oi ! (((: camwhore here and there . hahax !

then on sat , boyfriend was back from NS . went to his place . and he was shocked . hees ! well , it ws my plan though . so hard to track where he is y'knw ! hakim was there too . KPO ! hahaha ! then we talk2 , lepak2 then he gotta go home as his fam was waiting for him . so thts all for the day , i went home by bus cos he was too tired to send me by bike . ))):

after tht , went for NDP PREVIEW !!!!! i thought it was gonna be boring going with the sibs bt at last guess who sat beside me there ? my frend , Raudah ! whoa lucky siaaaa !!!!

it's sunday , and im meeting him again ! woke up 6 in the morning to make a cake for him using Betty Crockers chocolate fudge and chocolate frosting .

and so , he came to my house and he enjoyed my nasi goreng (it's his fav ! ) and the cake of cos .. haha . after that , went to his house . went out with his fam to jurong point ! whoa ! like can't believe his dad actually wanna blanja me a levis shirt and jeans ! bt i said i dun wan uhs . like wth ryte . haha ! bt actuallyyyy ....................... *evil smile* after tht , we sent him bck to his camp . haix .. my heart feel so heavy at tht time . feel like stuffing myself inside his bag n follow him go NS ! urghh ! a week more w/o him . haiyoooooooooooo !!! he gave me a kiss , a hug and went off . after tht he msged me saying saying tc and he's gonna miss me AGAIN . and thnks for spending my day with him and his fam . i n his fam can blend well , he said . hehe !

& this is a random picture i took today .

hell yeah ! prelims is overrrrr !!!!!! (((:

Fadaa , Khay , Kim , Bid & Beyonce (:

laugh ur ass off . we knw we're cute & hot & sexy ! (:

Dearest diary,
the day was spent with Dylah . she came here straight after school . so sweet ryte ? (: taught her how to play the guitar , malay dance , sing at youtube & many more larhs !

&&& Boyfriend called me today after nt calling me yesterday ! yayy ! i was so happy . bt in the end , so much fun with Dylah till i forgot to get bck to him . then he got angry lorr , thinking tht i dun care abt him anymore . haiz . im so sorry syg ! maybe im just getting use to the new environment . :/

oh well , i think he's just too stress & i knw he needs me the most bt i wasn't there . i knw he needs my full attention most ryte now . im really sorry dear . i hope u'll calm down soon k ? i nvr wanna hurt u when u're at NS .

goodnight .
& i miss you . ):

Dearest diary,
today is the first nyte tht he didn't call or msg me . he's prepaid low , i think . i thought i was strong to go through go this . bt nw i realise i still need to hear his voice each day no matter hw short the convo is . i miss boyfriend so much .. ))): bt with my lovely n caring friends around , i think i get through this . insya'allah .. wonderful people in my life like Dylah , Hani , Abidaah & Deniza .

Dylah ; always been there for me . took care of me since boyfriend has been gone . my listening ear . a shoulder to cry on . sanggup come dwn all the way to msl just to make sure i study , as tht was 1 of the promise made to boyfriend .

Hani ; always ask abt my well-beings & whereabouts . my listening ear too . always wanted to hang out but i can't really go out tht much .

Abidaaah ; always accompany me on the fone . always ask me to hang out bt i can't really go out . cheerful girl . a CLUBBER i must say . rock on girl !

Deniza ; my one & only beyonce . (: although i dun really talk much like i do to her bestie , cos she's a busy girl , she has always listened to me when i haf probs . will call me when she nt busy when im lonely . cheerful girl . very funny & random , i must say .

i love you girls sooo much . sunshine of my life . (:

lastly, this song is dedicated to my one and only, Muhammad Khairin Bin Hamzah ..

Loving you forever,
ur hunney,
Fadaarling

Dearest diary,
do you realise i've never posted abt boyfriend since he's been gone for NS ? yah i didn't want to . bt eventually , i want to . I , Nur Fadaria Bte Daud , declares that i fucking miss my beloved boyfriend , Muhammad Khairin Bin Hamzah , absofuckinglutely much !!!

it has been 3 days since boyfriend has been gone . i miss him i miss him i miss him!! bt im glad he never fails to msg or call me everynyte no matter hw tired he is . you see , he miss me too ! ryteee ? ))): i miss my late-night calls with him . i miss his hugs , his kiss , his warm embrace , his cute face , his lame jokes . basically , i miss him !

my heart's at ease when he siad he's fine . tht he sometimes "enjoyed" his days there . he said they brainwashed him alot on hw to be a real man . i just hope he comes out being a true man & nt the otak senget him anymore . haha ! kd larh okay ! he said the food there is quite satisfying . chicken everyday . great ryte ? like tht he comes out , he fat sia . haha !

im still wondering hw he looks like nw with his bald head . hahah ! can't wait for boyfriend to book out . i miss him !!!

Dearest diary,
at last , Abidaaah the clubber sent me the photos . -____- okay nw i cn post about last sat .

& so, last satuday was spent with the new friend , Abidaaah the clubber , who clubs with songs like "so sick" (LOL !) , at KALLANG leisure park. hahaha. fun indeed. studying & arcade.

true friends come & never go.

& ohh , i just bought a new black with red flowers maxi dress !

i soooooooo can't wait to wear this in front of boyfriend ! (((:

Dearest diary,
all of a sudden , i miss national day . LOL . random kan ? i knw . im so fucking bored to death idk wht to do , so decided to update pics on last year's national day out with hakim , wandi , illiyana , boyfriend & his cuzzins . fun sia ! i wish we cn haf tht this yr too ! awww .. i miss them ald .. ):

whoa i really miss those moments with his friends & cuzzins sia . ):

PS: Abidaaaah the clubber !! when sending the photos dengs ?!!

Dearest diary,
Dylah came to teman me again today . i feel so much better letting out all my feelings and situations to her . she really cares abt me . when gg home time , she hugged me . & thts superr touching lah okay ! i really feel comfortable talking to her . and so does she . suddenly , i feel so cared , nt tht lonely emoshit fadaa i used to be . at least with her presence arnd , i tend to get boyfriend off my mind for awhile . at least , i wudn't be so stress and fucked up . at least , she makes me feel like he's arnd , cos she somehw looks abit like him . hahah ! bt overall , i love her damn fucking much . she's been there for me when boyfriend was not arnd . sometimes i feel so bad when i talked abt boyfriend too much to her , afraid tht she'll get bored of the topic . bt instead , she was my listening ear . idk wht else to say lah bt MAIN THING , i feel so loved . (Ija, fadaa dah pandai pakai MAIN THING lah oi ! :D)

i loveeeee Dylah so much . (:
thnks for being there, girlfriend . muackz !

(Picture: can see we're wearing tht cherry necklace ? we bought it on our first meeting & declared ourselves GIRLFRIENDS from tht day on ! :D)

okay this is random but ........ I FREAKING MISS MY LONG , REBONDED HAIR !
fuck.

Dearest diary,
'O' level F&N coswork part B planning was done today . & i did crap . lol . went home and then slept until maghrib .. after tht Dylah called saying she's coming to Marsiling to study . she ask me join . then she came my house then we go study at the voiddeck in front of my house . okay fun laa blaja with her . on the music then sing n study n talk n laugh all at the same time . hahah ! thnks to her , like at last i completed my geog hols hmwrk . LOL . thnks eyh Dylah !

After tht , send her to kedai mama blk 154 cos she wanna meet her boyfie . halfway , i went another directn n went home .

2 more days to his NS . wth .
time do flies so fast yeah .

Dearest diary,
it's been 3 days already tht i didn't contact boyfriend . idk why bt i just felt so lonely , so lost , so empty . sometimes i feel so fedup suddenly , sometimes i cry for no reason . bt somehow i feel that this is wht im suppose to do . i can't keep on losing everytime . especially losing him ..

i wonder where he is , whts he doing .. bt most of all , doesn't he miss me ?

3 more days & he's going for NS . if i were still to continue nt contacting him , then when will i see hym again ?

'O' levels MT oral is tmw . wish me good luck yeah ! i've gotta do my best , for my one & only , Khairin ..

i miss boyfriend alot . ):

Dearest diary,
i went for Maulidurrasul today . it's Prophet Muhammad's birthday or something like tht . must wear tudung today . hahah ! it's like been years since i last wore it . lol . i knw i look kinda funny , so feel free to comment on it on my tagboard . (:

it was raining heavily and so , i told mama i wanna go home ferst . hahah !
ok thts all . actually , im lazy to update blog sia .
k bye !

Dearest diary,
was supposed to have studied at Kak Cica's house today bt ended up going out with my cuzzies and my aunty . those who went were Kak Cica , Kak Ella , Sue , Cik Yaya & me , of course ! hahah ! went to simlim . and it's my first tyme again . okay wth ryte ? i knw i knw . took a straight bus there since their house is at henderson . so near to town sia ! good ryte ? whoa my money like wanna sneak out anytime sia . bt due to shortage of money now , terpakselah save .. serious shit sia , im almost broke siol . haiz .. bt at least i had fun though ..

after that , went to grandma's house togetehr back . eat there and then ..
home sweet home ..
goodnyte earthlings ! (:

To boyfriend: i knw i textd u saying i hate you . bt u shud knw better tht i love you more than anything else . i just can't accept the fact tht we're no longer official . im just really disappointed in us . we've gone a long way but we end up here . maybe i'll just leave you by yourself . like you said "eventhough i love you, i can't help thinking 'bout if i'd be better without you" . so lets see how you would do without me . it could be worst , but then again , it could get better . all that i knw , i'll never stop loving you . i still do promise you forever.. i love you , Khairin .. i really do .

Dearest diary,
GAWSHH ! suddenly , i miss going swimming . hw random kn ? hahah ! the last tyme , i went with boyfriend . bt i forgot to upload the pics . so i uploaded it today so tht i won't forget again . first tyme going swimming with boyfriend was AWESOME .

i soooooooooooo love boyfriend vvvvvvvvv much luhhs !
MUACKZ !