it just happened ytd. and it happened again today.
haiz.. wad am i suppose to do wif us? im sick and tired. im trying to be as patient as i can wif him, hoping tt it'll make things better. but instead, it got worse. hw worse can this go?
bt the fact is.. i dun really trust him nowadays. 97% of my feelings say he's already sick of me. dun haf to lie ohkayy. it's ald very obvious. no use hiding anymore. im NOT playing this game. get it?!
things have been so fucked up for the past few days. he changed. everything changed. alryte, i need someone to hug me now. urghh!! ohh someone, somebody.. ANYBODY!! take me away form this cruel world.
bt seriously guys, i can't take this anymore.
u noe wad? maybe i shud just change too. follow the change larr kan.. bt i still wanna be myself. with the "unchanged" him.. bt wad cn i do. just wait n see wad happen nxt?
oh well..
maybe i shud take time off from these stuffs and concentrate till' prelims ferst, for a start..
i mean wad i say.
and to khairin: dun blame me. u said it urself. well, im nt suprised. gdbye, for the mean tyme.
Labels: maybe u really don't deserve me. now i can see why., well
problems settled.
again.
and it will come back.
again.
i bet u my life.
is this just challenges for us or is it just us that creates these
problems/challenges/troubles ourselves?
thats the question ive been asking myself.
but i still cant find any answers..
how i wish i could prevent us from all these.
how i wish we could be together happily ever after.
how i wish this is a fairytale.
how i wish i had nvr knew a fairytale.
so i wont be dreaming too much and saying all these nonsense.
haha.
k its lame.
but u should get wat im trying to say.
im too sleepy to type rite now.
watching spain vs germany the whole nite.
spain win euro!
woooooooooohooooooooo!
gd nite.
KhAiRiN
S O F U C K E D U P .
alryte. got an offer to join a malay dance group called
PancaSriDarma. talked to a new fwen, Kak Nur, one of the dancer there. she was..ohkay.. friendly i must say. well, maybe i shud give it a try since it's been a long time years back since i lat joined malay dance. tt was when i was primaru 1 till' 3. in which i've forgotten quite a lot nw. need to brush up my skills.(cheyy.mcm phm.) and hope by joining this, at least can release some stress especially when bitchy N is coming. -_-
fought with him at nyte. well, im used to it. and u guys surely haf heard me talk abt this a thousand tymes. too tired to repeat it all.
waited for him to call. he'll only be calling at 1+ in the morning. haiz.
boring day today.
&& back to imprisonment tmw. haiz.
it's been a long time since i last performed on stage. the last was at suntec city. haiz. boring. got to chat with my primary school fwens. they ask me whether im still actively performing. bt i said no. haiz. and thnx for the encouragement, syra-uh! i wud need tt.
well.. talking abt this, today ibu asked me whether i wanna join the
SRI WARISAN performing arts anot. hw cud i nt want it ryte? alryte. another offer. yay! bt i told her i can only attend their lessons after my Ns. so yeah. gotta start mugging.
oh mummy! im nt ready for prelims!
im doomed.
woke up late this morning. probably bcoz of waiting so long to call him ytd.
bt in anyway, i gotta meet him today! and u noe wad? i cud hardly recognise him.
he's so hawt. and he's
MY BOYFRIEND. gaahhs. (:
met him at west mall. gave him his present. he looked so shocked. coz he was those stuffs i bought were, coincidencely, his crazy-craving stuffs! he looked so happy. as if in a trauma(which took such a long time for him to recover..). ahaha. bt it really makes me feel more than satisfied. aww. he just make my day. after a week of nt meeting. and missing our 7 th month anniversary which me missed like the... 3rd time?.. walk walk walk. then found a cigarette box which is still 4/5 full. ouhh gawd. maybe im his
gd luck charm after all...hahas.
im glad tt the day started off well. bt it didn't ended up with "
happily ever after".. tts the darker side of the story. bt i wudn't wanna talk abt it. it sucks. *bleahh*
plus today, all truths abt me are revealed. nw he noes who i am.. (even when he said he knew it already.. idk larr!)
well, is there such thing in the world called "FRIENDS"? or is it just a name for strangers we just knew? are FRIENDS suppose to mean JERKS?
thinking abt it back, i seem to deserve all these "special treatments". NA is just not the place for me. like SERIOUSLY. if only i hadn't took the wrong path. haishh.. bt watever it is, im a BIG girl now. (even when i look small. gaahhs.) i noe my priorities. hey come on, guys! the timid and kental fadaa is GONE FOR GOOD. nw, this fadaa is a BIG and strong girl. cheyy. hahas. mcm phm. :X
k larr. watever it is.. i noe my priorities right. i wanna concentrate on my studies. let them say watever they want to. i dun give a damn, you big freaking knuckleheads! u jerks are simply wasting ur tyme on me. ouhh god. look whose the stupid one now?! i'll just spend my precious time with my books and notes (and my baby boy, of coz) rather than insanified moronic bitches and hoes like you! u guys are just JUNKS. leave tt in the mail for me yeah? HAHA!
at least, i starting to feel someone's getting close to me. nt really close bt... ok larr. she's my dearest KAK ILLI. thnx to mr tally wandi, i got to used calling her KAK illi. gaahhs. well, hope she cud be my bestie eh? more to sisters even better! gaahhs. well, i'll start slowly. hehe.
tts all for today i guess.
tata donkeys! (:
PS:
to hubby: u dun haf to worry abt me syg. i'll be just fine. (:
to kak illi: hope u make things up with tally wandi yeah? and abt the suprise stuff.. just keep it a shusshh. haha! *winks*
HAPPY 7 MONTHS, BABY!
ohh god, 7 months had past so fast, bt im still searching. maybe i've nt told anyone of wad im searching. and i won't anyway.. haha!
went put wif my family to cwp to haf our brunch. i had
fried seafood hokkien mee at Banquet. afterthat, mama, papa and the two monkeys went to kiddy palace to buy their 'as-promised' toys. lil' sis bought a barbie hair colouring crap she saw on tv. lil' bro bought a remote control car and this is like his.... 10th one?? while mama and papa were busy entertaining the kids, i went to GIORDANO to my baby's 7th month present. bought him a white 'plain-but-cool' kinda shirt and a black jacket he once craved for. well.. got a great, great deal there with the help of nt one but TWO guys when there are still many other customers to be entertained. was there for about half an hour! haha. finding clothes nt those guys yeah! haha. satisfied wif the present. wanted to buy him a pp8 card bt mom and dad were rushing to go to granny's house to send some stuffs.
and yeah.. went to granny's house after that. took my many, many bags of clothes from there and off we went home.
got bored after tt. well, the best part today when was my dearest kak illiyana entertained me for awhile. she hear me out and cheer me up wif some stuffs our baby boyfiees wudn't have to noe. haha. planned so many things.
and hey! 5 more months to lot and lotsa suprises! woohooo!
on the darker side of today, he didn't call me the whole of today despite it's 11.33 now. i dun wanna talk abt this anymore. wad i can say now tt i really miss him. ohh if only he knew..
oh well.. just haf to keep on waiting then..
-__-
YAY! mama and papa are back! omg. i miss them truck loads. nt many things changed. only that papa is now bald! haha. but looked soooo cute. his head looked so round. just like his tummy. hehs. he looked like a baby when he slept. oh god. just can't take my eyes off hym. hahs.
i miss my comp too! 2 weeks of nt having my comp with me just sux! just one word to describe this. B O R I N G ! bt well, im glad those boring days finally ended. pheww!
but there's just one more thing missing. my dearest baby khairin. i get so worried looking at hym working TOO hard. i mean, i dun mind him working.. but there's limit to it. nowadays, he seems to be more grumpy. he'll get easily pissed off at every lil' mistake i did. it's just so scary. plus, even when those boring days are over, i still can't really talk to him tt much though. coz of his work stuffs. he has no more time for me. nt exactly no more. he has. but just a few hours.
not only tt, he doesn't haf enuf sleep. work in the moring and came home the next morning. even my daddy doesn't work tt much. but im trying to understand him. as much as i wanna talk to him more often, i can't force him. he's just too stubbron sometimes.
alryte, back to story.
at nyte, i got a chance to talk to him peacefully. at last! urghh! then he came up with this aziemah stuff. she's a girl he once fell in love with nt bcoz of her beauty, bt bcoz of her heart. i dun blame him thinking abt her. the way he talks abt her is as if, she's an angel he once met. it's such a lie if i say tt im nt jealous. then i told him something that will hurt him even more.. something i've kept for a long time. something that make me weak. something that make me lose trust and hope in him once. it just takes once sentence to explain it all. "
i don't feel special to you anymore."
just that sentence, and the atmopshere seems so tensed. bt i was just being frank since he came up abt the aziemah thingy. bt that's wad i really feel. bt to me, he's more than special to me. no words can't describe how much i loved and treasure him. hw else am i suppose to prove? bt at the least, i noe that he knew it. and i do too. durh!
well, i'll just end up this post with a note for him.
" i love you. "
yea!
after 2 wks
finally get to meet her n mummy.. :)
after skool went to yishun, pick her up n went causeway
to meet mummy. after that we walk2 until 6+ then i followed them to yishun int
then they took their bus n i went to the mrt station n went home.
eventhough its only 2 hr we met, i really enjoy today.
after 2 wks of not meeting.... :)
KhAiRiN
almost 2 wks since last we met
now shes at her granny's place
cant really talk
cant meet
so boring
miss her alot
next wk then shell be back
thats y she has not been onl9, updating this blog, and calling her frens
IF U NOE WHO U ARE
haha :)
i also dont know wat to write in this blog already
nothing much to say
other than
I MISS FADAA!
KhAiRiN
no!No!NO!
everything has gone wrong!
no faDaarling! u got it all wrong
i still love u and will always do
no doubt about that
i still care about u n all
its just that u misunderstood everything
u noe im having some problem with my family right now
they dont seem to understand everything
about us especially
they blame u for everything
and thats my problem with them
well
i thought u could understand me
but it looks like u dont
or maybe
u did
its just u misunderstood
but watever it is
IM REALLY SORRY
i noe u're sick n tired of hearing me saying sorry
IM GOING TO PROVE IT!
KhAiRiN
like i have guessed.. he didn't call me the whole of today. harsh words tt he said ytd were still haunting my mind. it makes me feel so weak. thoughts of hym brought nothing but tears dwelling down my cheeks. i don't seem to be having appetites these few days. have nt eaten for DAYS already. i just dun haf the appetite. im just too weak to do anything ryte nw.
ohh god, wad happen to me?.. i used to be a strong girl. bt now..? im so weak.
i feel like im losing hym already. bt no, i still haf to be strong! (even if i can't..) wad cud he be doing nw? cud he still be thinking abt me? or is the reason for he ignoring me is bcoz he has already found someone new? way, way, way better than me? wad is in his mind ryte nw? wer is he? doing wad? has he eaten? is he alryte? bt now the big qn is... does he still love me? coz i dun think he does anymore. the way he acts.
ahh! who cares abt me anyway?! N O B O D Y !! waddya expect fadaa? u just haf u live ur own life ALONE. well, i noe who i am... nw i noe y nobody cares. coz im just a ******. ryte? wad can i possibly do nw? maybe i'll just haf to wait for the worst to come.
to khairin:
leave me alone. u never cared.
today sux. i got injured. plus a bad headache and my head is gonna explode anytyme from nw thinking bt hym. u noe guys, he didn't call me the whole of today. i waited and waited but there's still no call from hym yet. i didn't wanna give up, so i keep on waiting. i can't find anything to occupy myself as the tyme goes by. my patience are getting thinner and thinner.
at last, i can't take it anymore. so i gave in and called hym via hakim's fone. i didn't expect hym to pick up the fone. bt he did. he's at wandi's house, i dunno for wad. i started off by asking hym y he didn't call me the whole of today. and his ans was bcoz i didn't find hym. ME nt finding hym? or he nt even bothered enuf to call me? bt i just kept quite. silence filled up our conversation while silent cries filled up my heart. i just dunno y. sometymes thinking of hym cud make me happy.. make me smile.. make me laugh.. but MOST of the tyme, it makes me cry..thinking of it back, shudn't he be the one i shud be happy and something that can make me smile when im down EVERYTYME i think abt hym?.. well, too bad. i didn't. i didn't felt it at all.
at last, we ended up the conversation by concluding that we wud nt find each other. bt wad doe tt mean? dun tell me the 1-week incident is gonna happen agn?.. ohh please, nooo!! i dun wanna lose hym agn.
ohh god. wads going on with us? is this some kind of signs? or are these just challenges u're trying to test us? or are you trying to tell me that we're nt gonna last? bt please god.. i want hym.u've given hym to me,pls dun take hym away. i dun wanna be hurt again. even wif u wanna hurt us, pls god, dun do it. if u still insist then just hurt me, not hym. i dun want hym to suffer. coz i believe i was the one who started off this mess. i'll slowly clean this up. bt if he's nt the one for me, then prove it to me, ohh god! dun kill me softly like this. it hurts. it really does.
