Running away

mom's out! yea! this is heaven! played the comp for the WHOOOOOOOOOOOLE DAY!! after tt Ina asked me to play badminton with her. went out and play with her.

at nyte, had a gathering outside with my whole block of neighbours. it was fun. had asam pedas and fruit rojak. nice nice. i loiike!

called hym at nyte. bt he's sleepy. aww :( nvm. let hym sleep. he's been out the whoooole day today. and no tyme for me of coz.. ahaha! nahh.. just kidding GyeAh! :)

GD NEWS!! dearest aunt Mirah asked me out to work at her working place afetr my N levels! and it's at a BANK! WOOHOO! i love money, baby. :)

BAD NEWS: contacting hym nowadays is so hard bcoz his prepaid is low. called hym just now. he rejected. called back using hys friend hp. he asked me to call tt no back. when i called, hys friend picked up the fone and asked styupid and irritating qns. too tired to enetrtain them, i just put dwn the fone.

wad does he take me for? a puppet? a clown to entertain their crapness? oh puhleasee. no tyme for tt. i'd rather be on my bed doing my revision for the upcoming prelims. infact, it already started. malay paper1 was okok. paper 2 was quite easy. english was quite tough except for the vocab part, some compre qns and the summary.

well.. if he just ask me to call hym back just to entertain hys friends' nonsence, thnx a lot bt i DON'T APPRECIATE IT. btw it's aready 11 and he's nt back yet? wth is he doing there till so long. might as well don't come back at all better ryte?!! urghh!

just spoilt my mood to talk to hym at nyte. :(

i was haunted. and it was scary.
tts all.
dun wanna talk abt it.

yerps. i want hym so much now. i need hym. i miss hym. eventhough we just met in e morning.

well.. today is like a day gone wrong.Firstly, i was late for school bt i managed to escape. so much abt escaping till' one "women in black" came and started nagging like a mad dog. making up stories abt pple isn't rwally common among tchrs bt mine suck to the core. the most unmindful tchr of all tchrs. i hate her. she's like an experiment gone wrong.

Secondly, i have to go for this stupid imprisonment called detention together wif Abdah and Faiz. then went to find tt Radha bt cudn't find her. so too bad. if she's gonna come to me tmw and said tt i didn't find her, she's just getting on my nerves. just dun let me scream my heads off tmw.

at nyte, went out for dinner. ate mee goreng mostly made up of kicap. bt it was nice though when i had it with ice jelly cocktail.

plus, a bad news. he failed hys test for hys motor thingy today. so much of wanting to pass, he's just taking this TOO seriously. and tts the part tt i dun like. urghh! bt i noe he can do much better than this since an old-skool kinda motor called vespa became the third party in my relationship. oh well.. gd luck to hym though..

time flies so fast that i didn't realise tt it's already 10 o'clock! i didn't talk to hym the whole of today. bt it's my decision though. bt thnx to hym for hys idea tt i came up with this challenge. a challenge tt will determine hw strong i am. nt strong in terms of *tooooot* okehh! ahaha. i wanna see hw long can i not talk to hym. i wanna feel wad it's like to be left alone. i wanna feel wad it's like losing hym. bt most of all, i wanna feel hws life without hym. bt i can tell u now.. it TOTALLY SUCKS!

i can't seem to get hym outta my head today. even when i tried keeping myself busy so tt he'll nt come into my mind, i still can't. he's an addiction! im so tempted to just take the fone now and dial hys no.! bt i can't. lyke wad he said.. i never meant wad i say.. i keep on saying sry bt there's no changes. tt's only thing tt i can think of to keep myself away from the fone. i dun want hym to think im the kinda girl who thought i was. he's wrong! and i gotta proof hym wrong! i HAVE TO. i MUST. and i SHOULD. bt seriously.. i dunno hw much longer i can take this.

he tried to approach me at the MSN just now. bt im too speechless to say anythink. i can't think of any words to describe this volatile mixed feelings of mine. when he's offline, all of a sudden i felt guilty. guilty of making this big decision. thoughts of me and hym haunted my mind. i rmbred the days at the chalet. tt was the day i felt so loved by hym. especially the nyte tyme when he cuddled me up like a lil' baby and he stroked my hair with sprinkles of love. i rmbred the tymes when we kissed and felt lyke the world belongs to only us. i keep playing back the ppt show i gave hym on our 4th mth anniversary again and again. our favourite song being played the whole day when im playing my comp. i rmbred the days we laughed our hearts out at every lil' crazy things we did. i rmbred the days when we were on the hill and sat they admiring the trees, squirrels and our so-called "butter-la". i rmbred the days when we made sweet promises to each other. i rmbred the days when we sneaked outta my room's window just to spend our nyte together no matter whard it takes. i rmbred the days when he said "i love you", "i miss you".

alryte. i dun wanna tok abt this anymore. today went jemputan. nt really in the mood. bt took some pics too. wanna see? alryte here it goes...!

tts all fhor today.

To hubby:

syg.. im missing you so much. bt i gotta do wad i gotta do. bt no matter wad, i still love you and i want you to always rmbr ur swear.

gd nyte syg.. sweet dreams.. and i love you so much, sweetheart.

missing u loads,

FaDaarling.

My clock strike 12. its 19 apr, our 5th anniversry.
she was supposed to call me about 10 mins ago. n i was still waiting.
any sec now i thought. but my phone still doesn't ring..

1230. i was still waiting excitedly. but no calls yet.
i kept thinking how fast 5 months has past n how much we had gone through. just to keep my mind of the time now.

115. still awake eventhough every sec that ticks minus the chances of her calling.
but didn't she said that she will never fail to call to wish any of our anniversary..?
i decided to keep waiting. maybe her parents still have not yet sleep.

210. my eyes now are really heavy. but she had not called yet. my mind can no longer think of anything to keep it busy. at this time im sure her parents should be sleeping. but she haven't called. i guess i can no longer deny it. she's asleep. she has broken the record. congrats.
'happy 5th month anniversary'. i said to myself quietly n fell asleep.

today we should have meet. i told her to cnfrm with her parents yesterday. but she confidently said 'dont worry, most probably i could go out with u. its our anniversary'.
really stubborn as usual. and at around 1030 she called saying 'my mom is not letting me out cos im sick. n in the evening im going for a wedding'. easily she said. i lied to my mom just to meet her, n she just said that. how easy. hmm...

in the end, i spent today doing the thing she hate the most(i hate it now too), on purpose, playing dota. well....
A GREAT 5TH MONTH ANNI ISN'T IT?
THANKS BABY
APPRECIATED IT LOADS

KhAiRiN

i now discovered my goals. after the super teens camp, i get my inspiration back. especially my confidence. to get an A1 is just 75 marks and above. tts is so-called "easy". well.. im now putting high expectation on myself. i hope to get As for all my subjects. even when i think its not possible for people like me. but i want to give it a try. i noe i can. all i have to do is believe i can.

talking about motivations, one of my best childhood friend (who was also my ex.. hees..) gave me a nudge at msn a few days ago. as usual, he asked abt my studies and hws life been going on.

Haziq: hey!
Me: hello!
Haziq: nt sleeping yet?
Me: nope. haha. :)
Haziq: well.. hws ur studies?
Me: great! much better than last tyme.

( long pause )

Haziq: im sorry if i keep asking abt ur studies. im just want you to noe tt im very worried abt you. ur parents was really disappointed when you didn't make it to sec 4 express. i just want you to do well and make me proud. alryte? :)
Me: hey.. dun worry.. i'll make you proud. :)

well.. at least he cared. i glad. haha. he has always been. hees. :)

i got to meet hym today! he looked so cute. ahaha! bt seriously.. i missed hym. haven't seen hym for 3 days u noe!! and guess whard..? tomorrow's our 5TH MONTHS ANNIVERSARY! bt then, im still nt sure if i can go out anot. haiyoo.

at nyte went for super teens. my parents were late. as usual. it was a very touching day indeed. hugged my parents and tchrs. all of them cried. including my father! aww.. i love hym.

hey donkeys of my heart! new blogskin! by me of coz. hees. :)
oh well.. i miss my baby so much! its been days since i last saw hym. aww. :(
yesterday he went for hys STUPID thingy. i hate it! read my lips.. HATE IT! plus wadever crap he's gonna do there, will be at NYTE! urghh! oh well, i trust hym aniwae. and make sure u don't break tt trust darling!

someone stalked me today! i was walking home from skool when i realised tt there's this one black jet car following me from behind. and then the car horn-ed. i was lyke..WHATEVER! suddenly i there's this two scums who suddenly called out to me and asked for my name, fone no, and all those craps. they even asked whether i want to have a ride on their "mr bean-like" car. just tt its black and a lil' bigger. and suddenly they stopped in front of me and opened the door. i ran home like an insanified freak and they were following from behind! as soon as i reached my neighbourhood, they were nowhere to be seen. i was afraid if they were hiding or some sort like tt, so i rushed home. got home, told my mom. my mom was like "what! y didn't u call me? y didn't u shout for help?" bt then she became speechless when i told her tt its part of her fault nt giving me a such thingy in the world called HANDPHONE. then called my hubby told hym the story. i can't really tell whether there's any reaction cause it seems like there none! haiz. up to hym lurhh!

today's ngaji sucks! omg. im losing my voice. halfway thru reading, my voice sounded like a spoilt radio. haiyoo. trying to call my hym bt he's nt picking up the fone! oh puhhleashh! pick up the damn fone! wth is he doing?

u noe.. lately, as the days goes by, i feel like he's getting further and further away from me. he don't seemed to care abt me like wad he did the last tyme. im here all alone. i wanna tell my problems bt i can't. coz i dun think he cares. (even if he does. i dunno.) and now the monkey has been turned into human! tt farhan (an idiotic asshole i've hated all these while) whose been poisoning his mind with hys stuffs. buying hym meals when nt wanting hym to go home and have the hell of time with hym and company. and suddenly yesterday, hubby told me tt farhan actually encouraged hym to study! wth. i smell something fishy. hw cud someone change in just a short period of tyme?!

ok whatever it is, the main point now is tt, he asked me who has been encouraging hym to study? who is the one who want hym to pass hys exams? who is the one who wants hym to succeed? he said "well.. it's nt you. it's farhan." WTF! then wad he means to say is.. im nt encouraging. im nt motivative enuf. im nt the one who wants hym to succeed. hw do you think i felt guys? im fucking hurt. doesn't he noe tt i was supporting hym all these while? doesn't he noe tt i want hym to be a successful person? don't he rmbred the tymes when i nag hym abt hys studies? does he noe hw heartbroken i am when he failed hys tests? does he noe all that?
no... he doesn't. he didn't realise tt i was there all the while.. he was too busy to even feel my presence. well, it all up to hym. bt B, i want you to noe this... i'll always be by ur side and like wad i've promised "we'll go thru thick and thin, gd and bad tyme together".. rmbr?

i ♥ you.

as u can see.. everything here is new. very new. haha. thanks to my darling here.
hehe :)
yesterday was an interesting day. yes,syg. VERY interesting day indeed. haha
i noe u hate it. but thats wat ive been waiting for all my 18 years in this world. im sori. :(
im not telling anybody about it n i hope u do to. hehe
saje2 nk surprise2. haha.. so just keep quite.
ok ah. thats all for today..
be back next time. bye

KhAiRiN
(dabes ngaji kol!!!)

monday. first day of the week. couldn't get any worst for me.
its my skool reopen n im in year 2 now. same class. just different teachers.
n the new ones sux. dont talk aboout skool..

after skool me n my frens went to play dota after a long time. usual place,usual time. then sab calls me n says that fada falls sick. at that time, i was busy playing n i thought that it was just a normal flu or something. but when i got home, sab says that shes at her worst when in the class n i started to feel guilty n i decided to call her. yup. sabs right. she sound so sick. n wat made me so guilty, sad n scared is that she said like wat she said b4, she dont feel my presence. ok. maybe shes right all along. i've change n im always not there in time when shes in need. n its getting scrarier everyday. im just so sorry darling. i just dont noe wat had got into me lately. but no worries, like wat i've promised, it will not happen again n i will never take u for granted. :)

another sad news. 1 of my fren met an accident on the weekend. i noe about the accident. it was all over the news. but i had no idea its my fren cos the pic in the newspaper so sux that i cant even recognise him. until ashraf came along n tell me the sad news, that adam did not survive. the feeling is just so terrible to lose a fren. only god noes
R.I.P Adam

KhAiRiN

ps: u go against my words,baby. so y cant i...?? :)

5/4 - It was sab's chalet. overnyte there with her was hell lot of great time.
lunch with her. dinner with her. everywhere n everything was with her. :)
at nite, she slept on my lap, cuddling like a baby, with me stroking her hair
til she fell asleep. haha.
6/4 - Early next morning, i woke up. i thought i was in heaven. shes rite there in
arms. just like how i wish everyday. had a great time duet-ing with her. hehe
7/4 - talk on phone as usual. talking about the wkend at the chalet. how we wish
yesterday was today. well, honestly i still wish it that way. :)
8/4 - She went home late. with a yellow skin scum boy. running in the rain. how
jealous i felt. when i heard the story. but its ok. she got angry after that.
bcos sab n i flood her with question where she went after skool. i admit, its
my fault. just like u said. im sorry :(

Yesterday Nite - all of a sudden she said "i feel like u no longer exist in my life."
How would u feel if the person u loved the most said that to u...?
out of nowhere. just suddenly. i dunno wat got into her. just felt
so fucked up. this all happen so fast. i still dont understand
wats happening. i just hope this will end soon. real soon. pls

Missing u,
KhAiRiN

alryte.
today's lesson are so fcuking BORING!!

after skool, went straight for REBONDING!!
AT LAST.rebonded.
herm..
dunno whteher he wil like it anot.
bt to me, it look.. uhm.. okie lurhh...........
well, tmw's Sab's chalet!
i can overnyte!!
WOOHOO!!
n i hope he's going to overnyte too.
haishh..pls syg?

after the hair-do, went to arab street get stuffs fhor raya.
i noe dis is so damn fast..
bt tts hw my family works.

im so missing hym.
didn't call hym b4 skool..
nt even after skool..

bt at the least..
i got to call hym at nyte..
bt he dun seems to be in a gd mood.
wadever is the matter wif hym?

oh well..
things hasn't been gd for us dis few weeks..
i hope we cud make it up tmw.
since i have a hell lot of tyme for hym tmw.
i hope so.

alryte pple.
gotta kol hym now.
bbye!