Running away

Picture: I just found this pic in the web. some people say i look like "AngMoh" in this pic. hahah!
Dear diary,
i can't sleep last night. im just so bothered. i don't feel like going to school today. just feel so sucky today. and thinking of wht cud be worst tht can happen to me and boyfriend today. its gonna be a bad day, i tell myself.

and i was somehw wrong. i texted him from 7am to 1.38pm today, bt he didn't reply. then i smsed him "idk wht ure trying to show. but if ure trying to avoid me, tell me so. then at least i knw n won't disturb you." whoa aft tht he cn reply. y tht msg? all the unmpteen msges before he can't reply? wth.

i was nt feeling tht well in school, and so i decided nt to go for the maths mock test. bt i can't get an mc sia, hw? wtv laa. went to Yusof's house and lepaaaaaak n play with Masai (it's a cat btw). don't get me wrong, Yusof is just my neighbour laa okay. -__-

argued with boyfriend about everything. blaa blaa blaa. i gave in again. "when he's fire, i must become water" rmbr? and bcos of tht, eveything was fine aft tht. we planned to start afresh. again. -__- i hope things are jus gonna be wayy better from nw on. really.

okay, my fone's ringing.
boyfriend is calling me ald.
stay tune! love ya'll! [:

Labels: i hope it's the old you i got back...

Dear diary,
first and foremost, i would like to wish
HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY BOYFRIEND!!!
and as usual, im the first to wish him. so, BOO to the ones who wished him aft me. lol xD

bad news: his present is nt ready luhh! spent till 4 in the morning n still nt done. plus, i haven't tell papa abt celebrating his bdae tmw. wtf.

things were okay at first. but when i took him for a walk to a loooooong path to cwp, he was angry. since then, it has been a disaster. he said he was okay, bt by the look of his face, i knw he's nt.

then i brought him to POPULAR. showed him the book i bought for him, bt he didn't knw it was his present laa. he said "eww! i haf a lot at hm ald!" wth ryte? and wht cn be worst than ending up a birthday celebration by giving each other stupid faces at the end of the day? no more kiss and hugs. no more wishes. simply NOTHING.

since then, i wasn't in the mood to do anything or even talked to anyone. im just so fucked up and extremely frustrated tht i could have killed myself with drugs and pills. i never thought his bdae will end, or even be this way.

im sorry i didn't do much for ur bdae syg.. it's just tht, i thought that being with you on ur birthday will be the greatest gift for the day. but instead, im just a disaster. what a fucker i am.

and we end off the day with curses. wht a girlfriend i am. sigh. ):

Dear diary,
today's kinda boring. boyfriend's been quite busy to entertain my crapness. papa's working. girlfriend slept for the whole day, i guess. mama has been lazing about her bed most of the time. lil' bro with his tv. lil' sis teach her imaginary 'students'. quite scary though. haha!

And so, since i had nth better to do, i taught brother how to edit pichas. and he really decorated his pic until the whole pic is covered with wtv shit and there, only his face can be seen. the rest are all text and drawings. lol. and yes, tht pic is wht he editted so "beautifully". hw creative. lol. xD and if u can't see the text, it's written 'nice!' and 'freezean'. and 'freezean' is lil' bro's nickname. hw cute ryte? lol.

so much of the fun seeing him edit, it's time to mugmugmug. boriiiiinnggg. -______-

having a boring day, mama decided we shud go to grandma's. and guess wht?! mama's driving us there today! and she's a real careful driver, i tell you. she drove quite stiffly at the beginning, but it was all okay overall aft tht, except tht she langgar curb at the narrow carpark. lol. xD

nw i can't wait to turn 18 when i can take driving license!! bt too bad, im nt even 17 nw! lol.

okay. i seriously dunno wht to write nw.
boyfriend's nt calling yet. neither is girlfriend. where could they be nw?
sampai hati they leave me alone. ):

ah nvm! while waiting, i shall eat chocolates tht i craved for for the last 2 weeks!
yummmmmmmmyyy!!!
bye kawans!! *runs to kitchen*

Dear diary,
i went to cwp just nw to meet Hiryanty to pass her the makeover vouchers. and i still haf a lot more! anybody want? kol/text/tag me okay? [:

oh i haven't introduced Hiryanty, did i? okay. so here it goes.. Hiryanty is my long-lost twin sister. hahah. we're both of the same height, in which im nt gonna tell u whts our height! *stick out tongue* our friendship is 10 years old. we're both grown up nw. (cheyy!) she's one cute stuff u wanna haf bt too bad, u can't. boohoo! okay crap. -___-

out of boredom, we camwhore. stupid/silly/funny/serious/lame/boring faces. hahah! we're like "whts next?! whts next?!" lol. so here are the pichas we took just nw. tralala~

And lastly, the picha for the day...

okayy! my fone's ringing. boyfriend's calling.
stay tune yeah for more updates yeah!
love ya'll! [:

Picture: Thts's lil' sis performing her hiphop dance at Jurong Point. [:
Dear diary,
i knw it's been a loooong time since i last updated this blog. i've been waaaayy too busy with life and love ryte now. yes, he's back! guess my patience is paid off. [: and blogskin changed since many people commented the previous one has too many navigations. wht a lame ryte? -_-

So, here are updates of the recent happenings:

1 YR 4 MTHS ANNIVERSARY!!! [190309]

MAKEOVER AT GRANDEUR FAI!!! [250309]

LIL' SIS PERFORM HIPHOP DANCE @ JURONG POINT!!! [210309]

and lastly, boyfriend's grandma passed away ytd...

so many things happen. esp with tht 'insanified noob'! wht a COWARD sia. wanna fight thru sms. kental or wht?!!

oh well, life's been good so far. bt ytd was a bad day, only at the start. hahah! boyfriend has change for the better. *ilyvvvvvvvvmmm!!* the only thing left is something heart-wrenching called "curfew". worst still, im nt gg for mly dance till bitchy 'O's is over. i miss my dancers. really. and guess wht, my pp8 low AGAIN, when i just topped up a week ago. see hw boros i am?!

im sooooo missing boyfriend ryte nw. he's sleeping nw. holidays laa kann. quite hard to contact him cos his pp8 is also low. -_____- wth ryte? i wanna top up, he don't let me. he said later a week after, it will confirm finish. wth sia. okay wtv.. lol

Boyfriend has quit smoking!! im soooo proud of him. bt when he gets withdrawal symptoms sometimes, i felt a bit guilty for nt letting him smoke.. bt thts the best ryte? rather than cutting dwn on his ''lifelines''.. lol.

GOOD NEWS!!
MAMA PASSED HER DRIVING PRACTICAL TEST TODAY!!
Alhamdulillah. (((:

okay im going out to meet Hiryanty now. will update again tonyte.
toodles! [:

Dear diary,
I've told him everything . i've had had my say . i feel so relieved . really . i just hope he understands everything now . but im still worried . i myself don't knw wht im worried about . i didn't meant to hurt him . i've gotta tell him the truth . and last nyte was the day ...

Despite everything that happened last nyte , im still nt sure if he's coming back . but all i knw, i'll always be waiting . he said he's gonna tell me everything tmw , when we're gonna bring lil' sis out for her birthday . i just hope he'll bring me good news . sigh .

i wonder what did i do or say tht make him fall in love with me on 191107 . i wanna be tht kinda girl he fell deeply in love with the last time . and tht girl was me .

For a start , i sms-ed him today telling him my whereabouts , just lyke what i used to . he must be worried sick knwing im alone at home and him nt knwing my whereabouts ryte ? but he didn't reply to my first msg ... maybe his pp8 low ? or maybe he's busy dota-ing ? or did i start off t early calling him 'sayaang' ? idk . but all i knw , i've gotta go slow and give him some time to suit himself again like what we used to be . i'll just hafta be patient . i , too , don't wanna rush into things . i knw it's gonna take a lot , and i mean A LOT of time . nt only himself , but myself too .

a day more to lil' sis birthday ... and a day more to judgement day ..
all i can do now is just pray and hope everythings gonna fall into place , just like it used to be ..

So , will you make a happy girl again ?

Dear diary,
nothing much happen today , and there's nth much i have to say other than , i miss Muhammad Khairin Bin Hamzah so much .

and so , i was surfing the net just now , and even now ( lol ! ) , i came across this quote from Photobucket . it was quite motivational and adds up a bonus point to my hopes chart !

With this , i hope i can be stronger in facing this 'relationship' obstacles and challenges . really .

tomorrow's another day.
a good better day , perhaps ?
i hope so . ;D

Dear diary,
it's been just 2 days since we last contacted each other and im missing him so badly. he didn't call me , didn't text me , and was not even online . i wonder if he blocked , or even deleted me off his msn contact list . but oh well , i've expected this to happen anyway . still , i wonder if he's missing or thinking about me . i bet he's enjoying or lepak-ing with his friends more often ryte now . he must be enjoying the hell out of his life without me nw . clubbing maybe ? or out with another girl ? i really don't knw . and im too afraid to find out too . but well , wht i've learnt from being with him is, expect the unexpected . so yeah , i won't be suprised if im replaced by other girls , but heartbroken & dissapointed , is definitely a yes . but i believe he's nt gonna do tht . he loves me , ryte ? i knw i knw . i just knw it . but somehw if he's gonna prove me wrong , then *some text missing*

okay , let's change the subject aites ? i knw u readers are bored always reading the same old thing . but this is where i let out all my heart and soul out . so yeah .

it's 3 more days to lil' sis birthday . i was planning to bring her out today to buy her a dress , but unfortunately , she's sick and wasn't able to go out . sigh . but nvm , will bring her out on sat itself then . so , where shall i bring her huh ? i wanna go somewhere further with her since it's been a looooongg time since i brought her out to somewhere far . bugis maybe ? but if we were to go there , i wud be buying my own clothes instead ! lol . okay , crap .

well , thts all for today lovely people .
gdnight. ;D

[Picture: tht was how close we were.. ):]
Dear diary,
it's raning nw . but why don't he miss me anymore ? but most of all , y is he isn't here ?

we had our last talk at nyte . nothing has changed . i kept asking him about clubbing . hw dumb can he be to ask me " are you worried or wht ? " like DUH ? how could i not be worried when my own 'boyfriend' wanna go out and haf fun with other girls ? i mean , its common sense tht i wud be worried ryte ? pfft.
-_________-

he told me he still cared . and the next moment , he's not gonna care anymore . how much complicated does he want me to be ? if he REALLY cares , then nth tht i wud do wud stop him from caring for me , ryte ? and so , actually idk wth he's trying to do .

just yesterday , i thought it was gonna be easy to let go and move on . but i still can't deny , it's so hard living my life without him . idk how else i am suppose to put it in a way tht he wud understand . don't he miss all our memories ? the good and the bad times ? don't he miss me ? don't he miss US ? y is it so easy for him to let go ?

he said he can't give me a good future . so what ? do i care? doesn't he knw HE is my future ? doesn't he realise ? can't he just understand that i miss him SO BADLY now and i wanna be him at THIS MOMENT itself ? does he knws i love him more than anything else ? i wudn't trade him for anything or anyone . he's my precious . i love him a lotlotlotlotlotlotlotlot!! but y must everything come to an end so fast ? whyyy ?? haven't i gave enough ?

To baby: im sorry if i hurt you so much . but im just afraid that u wudn't come back .. im just so scared .. don't you miss us , sayaaang ? don't you love me anymore ? i just wanna be the ferst, the last, and the only girl u love . i dun wanna lose u to other girls . i knw im not tht beautiful or intelligent compared to other girls . i knw u deserve someone better than me . but like wht i've told you , " even if you're not coming back , i'll still wait for you . "

i love you very much , dear.. i swear i really do .
i miss you.